im writing a book and its called the Book of Wounds. actually writing is probably the wrong word im really just living and the Book is being written about the things i do. like sometimes i fuck up and break a glass and cut my hand and that goes in the Book because i got hurt but didnt really deserve it. although im not so sure about that because i did drop a glass so it is my fault that it broke and my fault that i got cut. but its only a little cut and not even a big deal so who cares i guess.
the Book of Wounds is written about every single time someone has ever gotten hurt and not deserved it. its existed pretty much forever i guess or at least ever since some ape was smart enough to watch another ape die and think “why did this happen. who caused this?” im not the only person in the Book. i bet most people are in it actually.
sometimes i wake up and i can tell its going to be a terrible fucking day where everything just feels like shit. but i got stuff to do anyway so i get up and go to class and do whatever the hell i have to do on that specific day until i dont have to do it anymore and can go back to sleep. thats not what im actually doing though im actually crouched around the pit in my brain with the devil inside it and not taking my eyes off it for a single second because i dont trust it and i dont trust me not to think that its words are actually just my own thoughts.
those days definitely go in the Book of Wounds because that shits not my fault i just got born with a fucking demon in my brain so sucks for me i guess. but its not like theres that much i can do about it except live with it until it kills me. im not even really sure if i would change it if i could because at this point who knows whats my personality and whats just the disease.
the Book is a holy thing because all things in which innocents suffer are holy. maybe i am actually writing the Book instead of just living it because while i cant literally edit its contents and i cant change how much i get hurt at least i can influence the ways i get hurt to some degree.
i dont really have a choice in this but it feels good to be part of something divine.